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Thailand

Bourdain and his crew head to the Chiang Mai province of Northern Thailand alongside with important chef and Thai food specialist Andy Ricker (Pok Pok eating areas) to receive the nation’s distinctive eating and drinking scene that varies by space and season.
>>> I REMEMBER THE MOMENT I
FIRST REALIZED I HAD BEEN LIVING
MY WHOLE LIFE IN BLACK AND
WHITE.

>> IT WAS LIKE DISCOVERING A
PLACE I NEVER KNEW EXISTED
BEFORE.
A WHOLE NEW CRAYON BOX FULL OF
COLORS.
THAT WAS IT FOR ME.
FROM THEN ON, THERE WAS NO
PUTTING THE PIECES BACK
TOGETHER.
NO GOING HOME.
THINGS WERE DIFFERENT NOW.
ASIA HAD RUINED ME FOR MY OLD
LIFE.
♪ I TOOK A WALK THROUGH THIS
BEAUTIFUL WORLD ♪
♪ FELT THE COOL RAIN ON MY
SHOULDER ♪
♪ FOUND SOMETHING GOOD IN THIS
BEAUTIFUL WORLD ♪
♪ I FELT THE RAIN GETTING
COLDER ♪
♪ SHA LA LA LA LA ♪
♪ SHA LA LA LA LA LA ♪
♪ SHA LA LA LA LA ♪
♪ SHA LA LA LA LA LA LA ♪
[ LAUGHTER ]
>>> WHISKEY.
>> OH, THAT’S GOOD.
TRYING TO KILL US.
>> THEY MAKE MORE THAN 100
BOTTLES A DAY SO 30,000 BOTTLES.
THAT’S A LOT OF — DID I DO THAT
RIGHT?
OR HAVE I HAD TOO MANY WHISKEYS?
>> HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?
HOW DID I GET HERE?
COMING INTO FOCUS, THE MAN
ACROSS THE TABLE.
HE LOOKS FAMILIAR.
MAYBE IF I CAN REMEMBER WHO HE
IS, IT WILL BE A CLUE AS TO
WHERE I AM.
>> OKAY.
>> RIGHT.
ANDY.
ANDY RICKER.
THE WHITE GUY WHO COOKS AWESOME
THAI FOOD.
>> PRETTY SPICY?
PUT THAT IN THERE.
>> ANDY HAS MADE A NAME FOR
HIMSELF FAITHFULLY REPRODUCING
THE CUISINE OF NORTHERN
THAILAND.
THE GOOD STUFF COMES FROM PLACES
LIKE HERE.
RICE COUNTRY.
CHIANG MAI PROVINCE.
IN THIS PART OF THE WORLD, YOU
LIVE AND DIE BY THE HARVEST.
THAI FOOD IS INTENSELY REGIONAL.
IN NORTHERN THAILAND IN
PARTICULAR, HAS MANY DISTINCTIVE
FEATURES.
THIS IS A WORLD OF FRESH,
DELICIOUS, SPICY, MEATY, SALTY,
SOUR, SWEET, BITTER.
OFTEN WITH A JUST-PICKED HERBY
DIMENSION.
AND ALWAYS THE MOST VITAL THING,
GIVER OF LIFE, STICKY RICE.
ANDY HERE IS CONSTANTLY BACK AND
FORTH FROM AMERICA TO THAILAND,
FOR NEARLY 25 YEARS NOW, LOOKING
FOR RECIPES, TECHNIQUES, DIGGING
DEEPER AND DEEPER INTO AN
AMAZINGLY COMPLEX AND WIDELY
MISUNDERSTOOD CUISINE.
AND GETTING HIS ASS CHASTISED BY
A FEW AUNTIES AS HE GOES.
>> OKAY.
ON THIS TRIP, ANDY’S WORKING ON
A NEW BOOK, INVESTIGATING THE
EATING AND DRINKING CULTURE OF
THE REGION.
WHICH MIGHT BE WHY HE THOUGHT OF
ME AND WHY WE’RE DRINKING SHINE
FOR BREAKFAST.
WHERE THERE’S FOOD, THERE’S ALSO
GOING TO BE BOOZE.
AND LIKELY, A LOT OF IT.
>> THAT’S GOOD.
>> WE MAKE CHILI PASTE WITH
CHILIES, GARLIC, SHALLOT, SHRIMP
PASTE AND TOMATOES.
THEN YOU MIX IT WITH PORK.
>> OKAY.
>> OH, YEAH.
AWESOME.
>> ISN’T IT DELICIOUS?
THIS RICE IS GROWN HERE IN THE
VILLAGE.
YOU JUST KIND OF MAKE A LITTLE
SPOON-SHAPED BALL WITH IT.
>> NOW, WHAT’S THE FAMOUS
AGREEING?
IS IT HAVE YOU EATEN YET OR HAVE
YOU HAD RICE?
>> IT’S BOTH.
LITERALLY IT MEANS HAVE YOU
EATEN RICE YET.
WHAT IT LITERALLY MEANS IS HOW’S
IT GOING.
>> IT IS ASSUMED THAT IF YOU
HAVEN’T EATEN YET, THINGS ARE
NOT GOING WELL.
IF YOU HAVE EATEN, RICE IS SUCH
A FUNDAMENTAL COMPONENT —
>> EATING IS SYNONYMOUS WITH
EATING RICE.
TO EAT A MEAL WITHOUT RICE WOULD
BE UNTHINKABLE.
>> WHAT MAKES THEIR WHISKEY
SPECIAL?
>> BECAUSE OF THE FLAVORING THAT
THEY ADD TO IT.
>> CONVENIENTLY, OUR HOSTS IN
ADDITION TO HAVING PROVIDED US
WITH A FINE MEAL, JUST SO HAPPEN
TO RUN A DISTILLERY OUT BACK.
>> THEY USE A SPICE MIXTURE THEY
ADD TO THE YEAST BALLS, LET IT
FERMENT FOR FIVE DAYS, THEN SHE
SMASHES IT WITH A WOOD MALLET.
>> THAI RICE WHISKEY, BUCKET OF
HOOTCH, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO
CALL IT, THIS TASTES DELIGHTFUL
AND SMOOTHER, APPARENTLY, THE
MORE YOU DRINK.
>> THERE YOU GO.
>> WELL —
>> AND THEN FRIED FISH.
I BELIEVE IT’S CALLED NILE
TILAPIA OR NILE CARP.
SALT THE HELL OUT OF IT AND DEEP
FRY IT.
>> GOOD STUFF.
MM.
>> GUY’S TRYING TO KILL US.
>> YEAH.
>> OKAY, OKAY.
[ SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
>> FOR YOUR UNCLE, YES.
>> 69 YEARS OLD.
>> HE LOOKS GOOD.
>> HE DRINKS HALF A BOTTLE A
DAY.
IT’S PRETTY MUCH THE KEITH
RICHARDS HEALTH AND PRESERVATION
PLAN.
>> ALL RIGHT.
I WANT TO GET HEALTHY, TOO.
>> THE WHISKEY, I HAVE TO SAY,
IS TAKING HOLD.
IN SOME CLINICALLY FASCINATING
WAYS.
>> FUNNY.
>> I LOST THE PLOT.
>> OH, THAT’S OKAY.
IT ALL COMES BACK TO ME AS THE
WORLD SHIFTS AND TILTS.
ALTHOUGH I HAD BEEN LOOKING OUT
A LOT OF HOTEL WINDOWS THESE
DAYS STRUGGLING TO FIGURE OUT
WHERE I AM, BEING HERE, THROWING
BACK SHOTS OF RICE WHISKEY WITH
THESE GUYS, I KNOW I’M BACK IN
THAILAND.

NOT JUST THAILAND, BUT NORTHERN
THAILAND.
ONCE KNOWN AS KINGDOM OF A
MILLION RICE FIELDS, IT’S A
FERTILE, GREEN AND GORGEOUS
AREA, HOME OF THE ANCIENT LATTA
PEOPLE.
WELCOME TO CHIANG MAI PROVINCE,
TUCKED UP NEAR THE BORDERS OF
BURMA, CHINA, LAOS, INDIA NOT
TOO FAR AWAY.
ALL OF THEM HAVE LEFT THEIR MARK
ON THE FOOD.
>> HERE’S THE LOCAL HOOCH.
>> IF YOU’RE EATING HERE,
CHANCES ARE, YOU’RE ALSO
DRINKING.
>> COMPARED TO THE STUFF WE HAD
THIS MORNING, THIS IS
SUBSTANTIALLY MORE HARSH, I
WOULD SAY.
AND LESS FRAGRANT.
>> THE VILLAGE OF MAY YON.
THIS PLACE IS CALLED HIN TANG.
HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE?
WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
>> IT’S A VERY POPULAR PLACE.
>> A RESTAURANT SHOWCASING ONE
OF THE DISTINGUISHING ELEMENTS
OF NORTHERN THAI CUISINE, THE
HEAVY USE OF ANIMAL PROTEIN.
>> YOU SEE THE LOCAL PEOPLE,
THEY’RE LINING UP.
HERE IN NORTHERN THAILAND, PIG
REIGNS SUPREME.
MOST OF THE STUFF WE’RE EATING
HERE IS MADE OUT OF PIG.
>> WHAT DID YOU ORDER?
>> GRILLED PIG TAIL.
>> THAT SOUNDS SUPERB.
>> YEP.
THEN WE ORDERED NORTHERN THAI
HERBAL PORK SAUSAGE.
>> OH, YEAH, I’M ON THAT.
>> BRAIN.
SOME PIG’S BRAIN.
>> YEAH.
I’M NOT A BIG BRAIN FAN.
A CUSTARDY SORT OF TEXTURE,
COUPLED WITH THIS SORT OF NUTTY
TASTE.
FRANKLY, I WOULD SOONER GRAB A
BIG HANDFUL OF NUT SACK, SO TO
SPEAK.
I-‘MIXED WITH A CURRY PASTE AND
SOME HERBS AND STUFF, THROWN
INTO A BANANA LEAF AND THEN
GRILLED.
IT’S LIKE EATING SCRAMBLED EGGS.
YOU’LL LOVE IT.
THEN WE ORDERED RAW BLOOD SOUP.
>> RAW.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THEY DON’T
COOK IT?
>> THEY DO NOT COOK THE BLOOD.
>> THEY PUT IT INTO A HOT SOUP.
>> NO.
THIS IS RAW BLOOD.
>> REALLY.
>> THERE’S TWO KINDS THAT YOU
CAN GET HERE.
ONE IS THE ADDITION OF YOUNG —
IT’S BASICALLY THE PARTIALLY
DIGESTED JUICE THAT’S MADE FROM
WHEN A COW EATS GRASS.
>> OH, GEEZ.
OH, NO.
>> I DID NOT ORDER THAT.
WE’RE NOT HAVING THAT.
>> OKAY.
WE’RE NOT HAVING THAT.
>> WE’RE NOT HAVING THAT.
>> I’M THINKING WE’LL STICK TO
THE PLAIN BLOOD SOUP, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.
>> THE WAY THEY MAKE IT IS THEY
TAKE THE RAW BLOOD AND THEY
SCRUNCH IT WITH LEMON GRASS FOR
A LONG TIME.
>> RIGHT.
>> BECAUSE THAT KIND OF KILLS
THE GAMEY FLAVOR OF THE BLOOD,
HELPS WITH THE COAGULATION AND
ADDS FLAVOR.
THEN THEY ACTUALLY MAKE CHOPPED
LAARB.
THAT GOES IN.
BUNCH OF DEEP-FRIED INNARDS.
[ SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
>> HERE IT IS.
>> YOU’RE NOT KIDDING.
THAT’S LIKE A HORROR MOVIE.
LIKE “CSI” SOUP.
I’M EATING OUT OF AN OPEN WOUND.
ACTUALLY, THAT’S COMPLETELY
DELICIOUS.
UTTERLY DELICIOUS.
>> THAT MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A
VAMPIRE.
IT’S QUITE SPICY.
YOU CAN TASTE THE CHILI.
IT DOESN’T REALLY TASTE LIKE
BLOOD.
IT JUST KIND OF TASTES SWEET AND
RICH.
LET’S SEE IF WE CAN CHANGE YOUR
MIND ABOUT BRAINS.
>> DELICIOUS.
I’M NOT LYING.
THIS IS DELICIOUS.
ANYONE WOULD COMPLETELY LOVE
THIS.
>> YOU EAT TOO MUCH OF IT,
YOU’LL GO BLIND.
THAT’S WHAT THEY THINK.
IT HAS TO DO WITH PARASITES AND
ALL KINDS OF STUFF.
>> HUH?
>> CAN I TELL YOU SOME STORIES.
>> WHOA, BACK UP THERE.
PARASITES?
>> TWO OR THREE YEARS AGO, A
WHOLE FAMILY IN NAN PROVINCE,
ALL SEVEN OF THEM DIED.
>> YOU PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE TOLD
ME THAT DURING THE APPETIZER
COURSE, OKAY?
HONESTLY, BEST FOOD I EVER HAD
IN THAILAND, EVER.
>> I’M SUPER HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.
>> I WOULD EAT IT OUT OF A
JOCKSTRAP ON A HOT SUMMER’S DAY.
THIS IS CNN.
>> OH, GOD.
>>> IN CHIANG MAI YOU CAN MOVE
IN AND OUT.
FROM THE QUIET GREEN OF THE
COUNTRYSIDE TO JUST A FEW MILES
AWAY, THE MADNESS AND CHAOS OF
CHIANG MAI CITY.
SECOND LARGEST IN THAILAND.
SPIRITUALITY, REFLECTION, THE
SERENE BEAUTY OF THE RICE PADDY,
VILLAGE LIFE.
MAYBE NEXT EPISODE.
THIS TIME, IT’S ALL ABOUT
CONSUMING MEDICALLY INADVISABLE
AMOUNTS OF FOOD AND DRINK.
IF THAILAND IS ONE OF THE BEST
COUNTRIES TO EAT IN, IN CHIANG
MAI IT’S A PARTICULARLY GOOD
CITY TO FIND YOURSELF HUNGRY.
>> THAT’S THE FROG.
>> THAT’S THE FROG.
IT’S BASICALLY TAKING THAT FROG,
GRILL HIM FIRST, HACK IT UP, FRY
THE LIVING BOLLOCKS OUT OF IT
WITH GARLIC.
>> MM.
THERE’S ALMOST AN INVERSE
RELATIONSHIP, LIKE THE MORE
HIDEOUS LOOKING THE DISH, THE
MORE DELICIOUS IT IS.
>> AS YOU PROBABLY NOTICED BY
NOW, THE FOOD HERE IS NOT PAD
THAI OR GREEN CURRY CHICKEN.
THERE ARE COMPLEX LAYERS OF
FLAVOR, SOPHISTICATED BALANCES,
SPICY, SOUR, A LITTLE BITTER,
SALTY, HERBY.
COLOR AND TEXTURE ARE IMPORTANT.
CRISPY, SOFT, COLD, HOT.
IT’S EXACTLY THIS INTERPLAY
BETWEEN ELEMENTS THAT MAKES
NORTHERN THAI FOOD SO THRILLING
AND SO ADDICTIVE.
>> THIS PLACE IS CALLED LA
GOUCHUNG CHA.
>> WHAT IS THAT CURRY MATERIAL?
>> THAT’S ONE OF THE MANY
STOMACHS OF THE COW.
MIGHT BE THE THIRD STOMACH.
MINE’S BITTER.
MEANS IT HAS A LITTLE BIT OF
BILE.
THE GENTLEMAN OVER THERE, UNCLE,
HE’S THE LAARB MASTER.
HE WINS COMPETITIONS.
THE WOMAN THAT JUST TOOK THE
ORDER, HER FAMILY, THE
UNCLE’S — WHEN IT GETS REALLY
BUSY, THE REST OF THE FAMILY
COMES AND HELPS.
>> YOU FAMOUSLY SAID YOU HATE
THE WORD AUTHENTIC.
WHAT DOES THAT WORD MEAN?
>> DEPENDS ON THE CONTEXT.
IF YOU’RE IN THE UNITED STATES
AND YOU SAY TRADITIONAL
AUTHENTIC THAI RESTAURANT, TO ME
THAT HAS COME TO MEAN A STANDARD
THAI RESTAURANT IN AMERICA.
THAT MENU.
WHEN YOU COME HERE, AUTHENTIC IS
DIFFERENT.
YOU’RE THE DAUGHTER OF THE WOMAN
WHO MADE THIS, THEN TO YOU THIS
IS THE MOST AUTHENTIC VERSION OF
THAT DISH.
IF YOU ARE FROM NAN PROVINCE,
YOU STILL MAKE LAARB BUT IT
DOESN’T TASTE LIKE THIS.
LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.
>> THIS LAARB IS AMAZING.
>> FRIDAY NIGHT AND CHIANG MAI
COMES ALIVE.
>> THAILAND, WE WILL COME.
WE LOVE YOU!
>> ANDY HAS PROMISED A
COMPRESSED EATING AND DRINKING
GRAND TOUR OF THE CITY.
A BOUNCE BY TUK-TUK FROM ONE
PLACE TO THE OTHER UNTIL WE
SIMPLY CAN’T TAKE IT NO MORE.
NEXT STOP, IT AIN’T FLAVOR TOWN.
IT’S SOME PLACE BEYOND THAT,
MAN.
WAY BEYOND.
>> WELCOME TO THAILAND AND HAPPY
DAY HERE IN CHIANG MAI.
>> ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GO.
>> CHEERS.
>> THIS MAY SURPRISE YOU, BUT I
AM NOT AN ALCOHOLIC.
I DON’T DRINK AT HOME EVER.
THERE’S NO BEER IN MY FRIDGE.
IF I’M NOT WORKING, I’M NOT
HANGING OUT IN BARS.
BUT IF I WAS AN ALCOHOLIC, AND I
DID HANG IN BARS, I WOULD HANG
HERE.
>> SOME KARAOKE, MAYBE?
>> EVEN THOUGH THE VERY MENTION
OF KARAOKE MAKES MY BLOOD RUN
COLD WITH FEAR.
[ SINGING IN A FOREIGN
LANGUAGE ]
>> YOU HAD THE FRENCH FRIES?
>> YES, I DID.
>> APPARENTLY IT’S INDIGENOUS
SPECIALTY.
>> IN THAILAND, IT’S PROBABLY
ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR MENU
ITEMS.
THEY ALWAYS HAVE FOOD TO EAT
WHEN YOU DRINK.
>> WHAT IS THE WHISKEY WE’RE
DRINKING, BY THE WAY?
I REALLY HAVEN’T PAID ATTENTION.
>> THE WHISKEY WE’RE DRINKING
HERE IS ACTUALLY RUM.

[ SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
>> THIS GUY’S GOOD.
>> IT’S ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS
ABOUT A PLACE LIKE THIS.
YOU’LL NEVER HAVE TO FILL YOUR
OWN GLASS.
>> THAT COULD BE ME SOME DAY,
I’M THINKING.
THINGS GO JUST A LITTLE WRONG, I
GO OFF THE RAILS, THIS WOULD BE
ALL TOO ATTRACTIVE.
I COULD WELL SEE MYSELF SINGING
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN GERMAN TO
TOURISTS AT A HOTEL BAR IN
JAKARTA OR BANGKOK.
THIS IS A FANTASTIC DISCOVERY.
THIS IS GOING TO STICK IN MY
HEAD NOW, THIS SONG.
>>> CHIANG MAI AT NIGHT.
WE ARE WELL ON OUR WAY.
TO WHERE, TO WHAT, I DON’T KNOW,
I DON’T MUCH CARE.
BUT I DO KNOW IT’S TIME TO EAT.
IN THAILAND IT’S ALMOST ALWAYS A
TIME TO EAT.
YES, AND DRINK.
WE SHALL BE DOING THAT, TOO.
THE INEVITABLE ICE AND BEER.
WAY TO DRINK BEER IN SOUTHEAST
ASIA.
>> BEER, YOU SAY?
OH, ALL RIGHT.
IN THE INTEREST OF RESEARCH, OF
COURSE.
>> YOU GOT BEER, YOU GOT BOOZE,
YOU GOT ICE, YOU GOT SOME
GRILLED MEAT.
>> SNACKAGE?
YES, I WOULD LIKE SNACKS.
>> THEY’VE GOT PORK CHIN AND
INTESTINES.
GOT A SPICE DIPPING SAUCE.
AH, THIS IS A CHINESE LIQUOR.
>> TASTES LIKE MEDICINE.
>> YES.
IT ALSO TASTES LIKE A DIRTY
SACK.
>> WHEN DID YOU COME TO THAILAND
FIRST?
>> I BELIEVE IT WAS 1987.
AND I CAME AS A BACKPACKER.
IT WAS ALL ABOUT SMOKING DOPE ON
THE BEACH, EATING MUSHROOMS,
CHASING GIRLS AND DRINKING BEER.
I HAD A THREE-MONTH TICKET AND
ENDED UP STAYING AWAY FOR FOUR
YEARS.
HERE WE GO.
>> OH, MAN.
SO WHAT WAS THE DISH?
A DISH IN EVERY TRAVELER’S LIFE
WHERE THEY JUST SAID OKAY, MY
PREVIOUS LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE
ENOUGH FOR ME ANYMORE, YOU KNOW?
>> THERE’S A PARTICULAR
MUSHROOM.
THEY MAKE SOUP OUT OF IT.
IT WAS UNLIKE ANYTHING I HAD
EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.
>> WHEN I FIRST CAME OUT TO THIS
PART OF THE WORLD, NOODLES.
I KNEW RIGHT THEN.
I’M NOT JOKING.
IT WASN’T THE GIRLS, IT WASN’T
THE BEACHES.
THE NOODLES, THE GREASY BOTTLE
OF FISH SAUCE AND THE SMELL.
THERE’S THIS TERRIBLE MOMENT
WHERE YOU REALIZE I CAN’T SHARE
THIS.
THAT’S IT.
>> IN ABOUT FIVE SECONDS WE WILL
GO PAST A WOMAN WHO HAS A COWBOY
HAT ON.
[ SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
>> THE LADY WITH THE HAT STANDS
OUT AMONG THE DOZENS OF STREET
VENDORS ACROSS FROM THE OLD
CITY’S NORTH GATE.
>> THE BEST STEWED PORK LEG IN
THE CITY.
POTENTIALLY NONE FINER IN
THAILAND.
>> ARE WE DOING THAT?
>> FOR YEARS, SHE HAS BEEN
SERVING THIS.
SLOWLY STEWED PORK.
>> SHE COOKS IT IN A MASTER
SAUCE.
IT PROBABLY GOES BACK AT LEAST A
GENERATION.
>> LIKE SHERRY, THERE’S A LITTLE
BIT OF THE ORIGINAL BATCH STILL
IN THERE.
>> EXACTLY.
>> HACKING RED MEAT ALL DAY AND
THERE’S LIKE NOT A DROP ON THE
FRILLY —
>> THIS IS A SAUCE THAT GOES
WITH IT.
KIND OF LIKE A SOUR CHILI SAUCE.
YOU GOT TO HAVE SOME OF THESE
PICKLED MUSTARD GREENS, TOO.
>> THAT’S REALLY TASTY.
>> THIS PLACE IS FAMOUS AS HELL.
HALF THE PEOPLE HERE ARE
TOURISTS, PROBABLY CHINESE
TOURISTS.
[ SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
>> LET’S DO IT.
>> YOU WANT TO STICK YOUR FEET
IN SOME FISH WATER?
>> NO.
>> NO.
>> LET’S GO, GUYS.
I NEED TO STOP AT A SPORTS BAR.
I NEED TO HAVE SOME CHICKEN
WINGS AND FRIED MOZZARELLA
STICKS.
I NEED TO GO TO A GUN RANGE.
MORE BEER, MORE FOOD.
>> IF YOU GO ON THE SIDEWALK IT
WILL TAKE US LIKE TEN MINUTES TO
GET 50 FEET.
KIND OF STAY TO YOUR RIGHT AND
DON’T GET KILLED.
>> WHAT WAS I SAYING?
OH, YES.
BEER LOVES CRISPY.
BEER LOVES SALTY.
BEER LOVES FATTY.
SPICY.
SALTY.
FRIED, TOGETHER?
HAPPINESS.
>> NO BEER.
>> OKAY.
WHAT ARE THEY DRINKING?
>> THEY’RE DRINKING WATER.
>> KIDNEY CLEANING WATER.
SO GOOD.
AND SO IMPORTANT TO A HEALTHY
LIFESTYLE.
I WOULD IMAGINE.
MIDNIGHT.
THAT’S WHAT YOU DO AFTER YOU’VE
HAD A FEW DRINKS, MEANING A LOT
OF DRINKS, BECAUSE WHAT YOU
NEED, MAYBE YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU
NEEDED IT BUT YOU DO, IS THAI
CHILI DIP.
>> YEAH.
IT’S WHAT THE VAST MAJORITY OF
THAI PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN AMERICA
WHO COME TO THAILAND TO VISIT
AND COME BACK END UP GETTING
BUSTED AT THE AIRPORT FOR TRYING
TO BRING IN.
>> WE GET TWO KINDS.
>> A COMBINATION OF CHILIS,
GARLIC, SHRIMP PASTE, DRIED
FISH.
>> AND THIS.
>> COLOEK WE YALLY KNOWN.
>> MADE FROM ROASTED GREEN
CHILIES.
ACCOMPANIED BY GOD’S PREFERRED
DELIVERY SYSTEMS FOR
BEER-FRIENDLY GOODNESS.
A WHOLE BUNCH OF DEEP-FRIED
LITTLE SALTY MEATY DELICIOUS
THINGS.
YES, PLEASE.

>> YES.
AND SOMETHING I LOVED FROM THE
FIRST MOUTHFUL I EVER HAD RIGHT
HERE IN CHIANG MAI ALL THOSE
YEARS AGO, THAI PORK SAUSAGE.
CRISPY, MEATY, SALTY.
I LOVE IT.
I WANT TO RUB IT ALL OVER MY
BODY.
THIS SAUCE IS JUST SO AMAZING.
SOMEHOW THE THING YOU NEED RIGHT
NOW.
THIS IS TOTALLY THE THING I NEED
RIGHT NOW.
OH, THAT’S SO GOOD.
>>> OKAY, COME TO ME, MY LOVE,
RIGHT NOW.
YOU BIG NASTY UNFAMILIAR
SEMI-COOKED EGG.
OH, THAT’S SO GOOD.
I ONCE WROTE YOUR BODY ISN’T A
TEMPLE, IT’S AN AMUSEMENT PARK.
ENJOY THE RIDE.
BUT THAT WAS BEFORE I HAD A
DAUGHTER AND A RESPECTABLE JOB
AT CNN.
SO WHEN THAT LITTLE VOICE IN MY
HEAD SAID CALL IT A NIGHT, QUIT
WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD, I PROBABLY
SHOULD HAVE LISTENED.
WAIT, WHERE DID WE LEAVE OFF?
AH, YES, NOW I REMEMBER.
BOUNCING TO ONE BAR AFTER
ANOTHER.
>> WE’RE GOING THAT WAY.
>> WHICH WAY?
>> THAT WAY.
>> OKAY.
GOOD.
>> ANDY AND I HAVE CLEARLY
TUK-TUK’ED OUR WAY WELL BEYOND
THE THRESHOLD OF ACCEPTABLE
CONDUCT.
BUT WE CALL IT A NIGHT, QUIT
WHILE WE’RE AHEAD?
NO.
>> WE WILL HEAD OVER TO SEE A
TIME-HONORED TRADITION.
>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN —
>> THE LADY BOY CABARET.
>> LET’S DO THAT.
>> ALL RIGHT.
HERE IT IS.

>> LADY BOYS, AS THEY’RE KNOWN
IN THAILAND, HAVE LED TO MANY AN
EMBARRASSING MOMENT FOR THE
AMOROUS COWBOY TOO BUZZED TO
NOTICE OR CARE MUCH ABOUT THE
DETAILS.
>> MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH THIS
KIND OF AN ATMOSPHERE IN
THAILAND HAPPENED IN 1987.
I MET THIS GIRL AND I WAS LIKE
STOKED BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE OH,
SHE’S INTO ME AND LIKE AT SOME
POINT SHE SAT ON MY LAP AND
SHE’S LIKE OH, WELL, I HAVE TO
GO NOW, I HAVE TO GO DO
SOMETHING.
SHE GAVE ME A KISS.
I WAS LIKE I’M IN.
>> RIGHT.
>> AND THE SHOW STARTED.

>> YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE A GUY FOR
MAKING A MISTAKE.
>> MANY OF THE LADY BOYS FRANKLY
ARE PRETTY SPECTACULAR LOOKING,
ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHO HAVE
BREASTS.
>> YOU KNOW T WOMEN ARE HARSHING
THE BUZZ.
IT SHOULD BE A GUY THING.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> THEY SHOULD HAVE A SPORTS
BAR — THAT’S A BRILLIANT IDEA.
A LADY BOY SHOW IN A SPORTS BAR.
YOU CAN WATCH FOOTBALL, DRINK A
LOT OF BEER AND AROUND BEER
NUMBER EIGHT, BRING OUT THE LADY
BOYS.

>> JUST MY LUCK.
AT A SHOW LIKE THIS, WHAT
HAPPENS.
I END UP KISSING THE ONE LADY
BOY IN THAILAND WHO LOOKS LIKE
EARNEST BORGNINE STRAIGHT ON THE
LIPS.
OF COURSE, I AM COMPLETELY
OBLIVIOUS TO THE DAY-GLO WHITE
LIPSTICK ALL OVER MY FACE.
OUT OF CONTEXT PHOTOS OF ME HERE
TONIGHT END UP ON THE INTERNET.
THIS COULD LOOK BAD.

>> WATCH THE SHOW.

>> OH, YEAH.

>> TOTALLY GOING HOME ALONE, BY
THE WAY.
JUST WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT’S
ESTABLISHED.
IN SPITE OF ALL EVIDENCE TO THE
CONTRARY.
>>> SNACKS?
>> SNACKS.
LET’S GO EAT.
>> THIS TRAIN HAS LONG AGO COME
OFF THE RAILS.
ONE BAR AFTER ANOTHER.
IT’S TIME ANDY AND I HEAD TO AN
APPROPRIATE FOLLOW-UP TO A NIGHT
LIKE WE’VE HAD.
MORE FOOD, QUICKLY.
THIS HAS BECOME AN EMERGENCY
SITUATION.
THERE IT IS.
DRUNKEN NOODLES.
>> IT’S ACTUALLY NOT A NOODLE
DISH.
SOMETHING SERVED WITH RICE.
>> THIS IS WHAT WE NEED,
WHATEVER IT IS.
>> IT’S SOMETHING DEVISED FOR
DRUNKEN PEOPLE TO EAT.
>> THAT’S US.
SOMETHING TO SOP UP THE ROILING
TIDE SLOSHING AROUND IN MY
STOMACH.
I NEED TO SOBER UP IN CASE
ERNEST BORGNINE CALLS.
SHE SAID SHE’D CALL.
I FEEL SO USED.
>> IN THE NORTH THEY LOVE TO EAT
PORK HERE.
LOOK AT ALL THE DAMN CHILIS.
THERE’S A LOT OF CHILIS HERE.
WE GOT THESE FRESH RED ONES.
WE’VE GOT THESE GREEN ONES THAT
ARE SLICED AND STIR-FRIED IN
THERE.
THEN WE’VE GOT SMALL GREEN
PEPPERS.
[ SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
>> WHOA!
THAT’S HOT.
WHEW!
>> I BREATHED IN, GOT HIT WITH
THE CHILI.
>> YEAH.
>> DOWN THE SIDE OF THE THROAT.
>> YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN
REALLY HIT BY SUPER HOT AND YOU
FEEL LIKE HAVING A BRAIN
HEMORRHAGE?
IT’S LIKE AN ICE CREAM HEADACHE
BUT LIKE A PEPPER HEADACHE.
>> YOUR VISION STARTS TO TUNNEL
OUT.
>> YOU’RE HALFWAY THROUGH AND
YOU’RE AWARE THAT YOUR HAIR HAS
JUST BURST INTO FLAMES.
THAT PERFECT BALANCE OF PAIN AND
PLEASURE AND MORE PAIN, BRAIN
FLOODING WITH ENDORPHINS AND ALL
IS WELL WITH THE WORLD.
UNTIL TOMORROW MORNING.
SO I’VE HAD A COUPLE COCKTAILS.
MAYBE WE SHOULD LIKE TOTALLY GET
A TATTOO TOMORROW, MAN.
>> MAGIC TATTOOS.
>> TIME FOR BED.




>> SO I WOKE UP IN A STATE OF
CONFUSION AND DEEP CONCERN AFTER
INADVERTENTLY MAKING OUT WITH
ERNEST BORGNINE LAST NIGHT.
I HAVE SPIRALLED INTO SOME
IDENTITY CRISIS.
INADVERTENTLY MAKING OUT WITH
ERNEST BORGNINE, I WOULD LIKE TO
SAY.
IT WAS VERY DRAMATIC.
I NEED TO GO TO A STRIP CLUB AND
WATCH A FOOTBALL GAME, MOW THE
LAWN AND BARBECUE ALL AT THE
SAME TIME.
I DON’T MEAN THAT IN A
FIGURATIVE WAY.
I CAN’T TALK.
IT HURTS TO TALK.
YOU KNOW, EVERY REGION HAS SORT
OF AN ICONIC DISH.
THIS IS IT.
HEARTY BROTH OF CURRY, COCONUT,
NOODLES AND SPICES.
I’M ALL OVER THAT.
OH, YEAH.
MM.
NEEDS SOME MORE ONIONS.
THE BOYS AT THE BAR TONIGHT ARE
GOING TO BE IN FOR A SURPRISE IF
THEY MOVE IN FOR A SMOOCH.
DAMN, THAT’S GOOD.
I AM A BIG BELIEVER IN A HEALTHY
NUTRITIOUS BREAKFAST.
IT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF
THE DAY.
MY DOCTOR SAID THAT.
OF COURSE, HE ALSO SAID THAT
JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING I LOVE AND
HOLD DEAR IS KILLING ME, SO WHAT
DOES HE KNOW.
ATTENTION, HIPPIES.
THIS IS A SALAD.
PAPAYA SALAD, THAT’S NOT REALLY
A LOCAL THING BUT I COULDN’T
RESIST.
SPICY PAPAYA SALAD.
I GOT TO FIND A CATHOLIC CHURCH.
BLESS ME, FATHER, FOR I HAVE
SINNED.
I KISSED A MAN ON THE MOUTH.
OH, IT BURNS LIKE THE FIRES OF
HELL.
BURN AWAY SIN.
BURN AWAY.
OK, LAST MEALTIME, AND LAST LAP.
STAGGER ACROSS THE FINISH LINE.
>> MEOW.
>> ANDY’S FAVORITE SPOT, A
FAMILY-RUN RESTAURANT NAMED A
AUNTIE DENG’S HAMMERED MEAT, AND
THE JOKES PRETTY MUCH WRITE
THEMSELVES, FOLKS.
>> NO, EVERY YEAR, EVERY YEAR.
>> ANDY HAS BEEN COMING HERE
FOREVER SINCE IT WAS ANDY DENG’S
SLIGHTLY HAMMERED MEAT.
HE IS PRACTICALLY FAMILY.
[ SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]
>> HAMMERED MEAT HERE ANYWAYS,
BEEF OR PORK IS PULVERIZED AND
THEN GIVE N A DISTINCT TEXTURE
AND THEN SPICED WITH CHILIES IN
A MALONGO DIP.
>> OH, SO I GUESS THAT I HAVE
BEEN ACCEPTED BY THE FAMILY, AND
I WILL BE LIVING IN THE HOUSE
HERE NEXT DOOR, AND MY JOB IS
GOING TO BE TO SMASH BEEF WITH
THE HAMMER EVERY NIGHT, PROBABLY
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
>> THIS WOMAN HAS EXPECTATIONS,
DU
DUDE.
>> I AM IN DEEP, DEEP TROUBLE.
>> IT IS PRETTY OBVIOUS.
WHAT IF THEY DIDN’T POUND IT?
>> IT WOULDN’T LOOK LIKE THAT IF
THEY DIDN’T POUND IT BEFORE THEY
COOKED IT.
CLAS
CLASSIC.
CHEWY.
HMM.
STILL CHEWY, AND STILL CHEWING.
>> AND BECAUSE ANDY IS A VIP AND
FUTURE POTENTIAL SON-IN-LAW, DAD
IS SPORTING THE AMULETS WITH
PROTECTION AND SPICED WITH BILE.
>> OH, THAT IS ADDICTIVE RIGHT
AWAY.
>> DEEP DARK BASIS AND YOU ARE
GETTING SOME OF THE HEAT?
>> YEAH.
>> YOU KNOW, WE TALKED ABOUT
ONCE YOU EXPERIENCE SOME OF THE
SENSORY PLEASURES OF THE EAST,
YOUR PREVIOUS LIFE JUST ISN’T
ADEQUATE ANYMORE.

>> WHEN THE JOURNEY IS COMING TO
AN END, WHEN THE MOVIE IS COMING
TO THE END, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO?
OH, YES, WRAP IT UP.
I HAVE VAGUELY LEARNED SOMETHING
HERE, AND I CAN’T SUMMON WHAT IT
IS RIGHT NOW, BUT I WAS THINKING
OF WHAT MUHAMMAD SAID, DON’T
TELL ME WHAT A MAN KNOWS OR
WHERE HE IS TRAPPED, BECAUSE YOU
WILL LEARN STUFF.
MAYBE IT IS TO BRING SOMETHING
TO REMOVE MAKEUP BEFORE HITTING
THE CAB RER ARETCABARETS.
>> THE FIRST TIME I CAME, THE
SPICINESS AND THE SIMPLE
ELEMENTS AND THE BRIGHTNESS OF
THE EXPLOSION OF FLAVORS AND
WHEN I GOT BACK HOME, I
IMMEDIATELY LIKE WISHED I COULD
BE BACK IN THAILAND.
>> OR MAYBE JUST SAY SCREW IT,
AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.
>> IT IS QUITE BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
[ SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE ]

Teach English Online with Premier TEFL

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